Mainly doing this for Sheren coz I haven't spoken to her in ages and I think she's the only one subscribed to my blog anyway haha so here goes!

First and foremost, I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! Terribly, in fact. I know you're busy with the big exam preparations and I understand completely but I'm looking forward to our catch up in 2/3 weeks! Just send me a text and I'll give ya a ring and we can talk for hours :D

Right, where do I begin?
Let's start at the beginning of October...

Everything was going fine, just fine.. I was on the roll with my assignments- I frickin love my course and I'm so glad I took it, graphic design is everything to me now and my passion for it is growing everyday. :D My lecturer Bruce is happy with my progress and I've passed all my assessments so far. On the 6th of Oct, my college held an exhibition for the students artworks and one of mine got put up in a beautiful frame, it was amazing, I gave myself a pat on the back for it and my family were extremely proud. Alhamdulillah.

I started being more comfortable around friends in college.. when I first came, I was very shy and timid- intimidated, in fact coz I was such a noob! haha xD I started showing my true self to my new friends and it was really cool. During this time, it was over between Blake and I (this guy I went out with for 2 weeks).. things were a bit awkward at first but I moved on and it seemed like he was moving on as well.
But just as I thought everything was going well, he decided to burst my bubble. It was horrible... he got very angry at me and I didn't see it coming at all. I stood there, taking his shit for like half an hour and I've never felt so insulted in my life. I won't describe every detail of it on public view because I don't want to humiliate him. He's not a bad person.. he just rubs people the wrong way. Sometimes, quite literally too. Part of why he got pissed was coz he thinks that there is something going on between Kade and I. He was jealous. Quite frankly, that's his problem, not mine. But anyway, because of that.. he went off at Kade as well and whoa did we feel very insulted. That was on thursday.. the day Chay was supposed to come and see my work for the exhbition coz I invited him but I was so upset and angry I had to leave and I told Chay to come and pick me up.. it was a good idea coz Chay came in frickin Koala suit! Yes! with the koala head and everything! I gave him a big hug coz it cheered me up instantly. Oh yea if you're wondering why he had a koala suit on, he did it to surprise little Dazza, Daryl's one year old son. (Who btw cried his eyes out coz he was scared of this huge koala man! haha poor little fella, might grow up with a phobia for koalas because of it)
It took me about one week to get over the whole situation.. but Blake and I are ok now. We're not the best of friends but you know.. enough to get by.

So anyway while all that was happening I got distracted from my work and I procrastinated a lot. But then I realised I shouldn't be too down about it so I gave me a shove in the ass and got to it. I passed my packaging project which was hard work but I got it done eventually. Oh yea, while I was on my packaging project, I worked on another design as well.. for this networking organizaton. The guy approached Bruce and asked if the students would like to design a brochure for the organization and I was competing with 5 other students. I worked hard on it and guess what? They liked my design best! As the winning prize, they acknowledged me in front of the organization at this big fancy office full of businessy and tech-nerdy men and presented me with $200! I still haven't decided what I'm gonna do with the money but yay! Alhamdulillah :) Daddy was proud.

Two days ago after I was done with the packaging project, we were handed our next assignment which is to design a high school year book for Orewa college. It's a group project and after we were being briefed, we had to choose a project manager. Seeing as one day I would love to get into a magazine publishing company... I thought I might as well step up to the challenge. Not many of the team members were keen to take up the role so I volunteered myself. I'm taking the role very seriously coz we only have 2 weeks till the deadline and time is a constraint. My job is to make sure everyone has a job and that the job gets done in time. I organised a timeline and assigned each designer sections of the book to work on and gave everyone a good headstart. Our supervisor Keith is feeling confident and thinks that I'm doing a great job already so I better keep it up! It's hard being the boss coz I'm running around all the time but it's a breath of fresh air and I love the challenge. I'm not complaining one bit. :D Oh and summer holidays start in 2 weeks and I'm looking forward to it!

I've been job searching too.. but no luck yet.. I applied at so many places now but so far none has replied or asked me for an interview. Bummage. But I haven't given up hope so lets keep on hoping!

Dad's leaving for Malaysia again in another week. Time to fully be Miss Independent! I feel more confident by myself now coz I've experienced what it's like and although the loneliness suck.. I know now I shouldn't let it get to me so easily. Plus I have wonderful friends who are always here for me and I should live my life with a glass half full not half empty. :D Oh and guys like independent girls so yea ;) haha

Things are definitely looking up these days but lets not get too excited coz anything can happen.

Hope to talk to ya soon Sher! All the best for your exams and to the rest who are sitting for the exam as well.

Over and out,
Elly.

Hello, hello. :)

Uh, it's been a while since the last time and lets just cut the long stories short shall we?

Basically I was in Malaysia for quite some time..umm more or less than 2 months, which really sucked. Well, it wasn't that bad but whilst I was there, I realise that it isn't where I belong anymore and that my life really is in Auckland. I realise how lonely this world can be for every individual and I confirmed that I indeed am emotionally usntable.

Now, I'm here in Sydney with my brother and sister in law I feel like I'm getting back on track again.

Hah, yeah, some update... i know, but i really don't need to give everyone the full details of my life for now. :)

I'll try my best to keep updating from now on...

nah, not really. :P

turrah,
elly.

5 YEARS; 17 October 2007.

Now that I think of it, these 5 years are the years that my life changed so drastically in a glimpse. It seemed like it was only yesterday I was waking up to my mother's death. Feels like a daze, really. Though, surprisingly, the life I've had hasn't been something I can deprive myself about and I shouldn't be. Allah has given me so much; I can't put it to words. Yea, I may have had the disadvantage of growing up without the nurture and love of a mother but... everything else seems extra good for me because of that. It's of the past, I'm writing this not to mourn for my loss but rather, to celebrate the life and time she's had on Earth.

I try to recall as much of my earliest memories I had with her at times when I'm really down and I can still feel the love that we shared... distance is no barrier for love. Knowing that events could've turned out so much worse, I'm thankful that she went away peacefully in her sleep. Almost every night I would take a look at the photo of us on my bed side table and her smile comforts me to sleep. Of course I miss her, and sometimes I'd wish that she didn't have to go so early in my life that I didn't get the chance to know her. But things happen for a reason and God knew that it was better off for me if she did go when I was young. The more you know a person, the harder it is to lose the person. Which explains how moderately simple it was for me to accept it. To my own surprise, I learnt to accept death faster than I thought I would. Yes it was a great shock to me when it happened but, if it didn't happen, I wouldn't be the person I am right now.

I'm very emotional but just because I am, it doesn't mean I'm weak. I've learnt a lot about acceptance of death throughout these five years that it is a part of the life cycle; that it is inevitable; that it can happen at any point of anyone's life; that it is normal. I'm fortunate enough that it wasn't a traumatic death. I'm fortunate enough to have had a mother for 11 good years. I keep thinking that there are probably so many others who aren't even fortunate enough to remember how their mothers looked like. At least I still have a good solid memory of her that is now stitched on to the hollow part of my heart. She still fills it up even though she's not present. And maybe one sweet day, I might see her again.

I get dreams of her every so often in a year, and every time I do, I'd wake up to tears. Photographs of her are great to look at, but to see her move, smile, and talk in my dreams is even more delightful. In my dreams, when I talked to her, she wouldn't say anything. When she talks to me, I can't say anything back. There will always be a barrier between us because of our distance. If we did get to talk to each other in a dream, it would probably be too good to be true which is why I don't get to dream that way. All I know is, I love her smile and the way she shines in my dreams like an angel. I remember once watching home-made videos made by my uncle and I was watching it with my cousins in Malaysia. I distinctively remember this one video with her in it. It was the first time I've seen a video of her. I realized I forgot how her voice sounded like and to hear her speak... it was very emotional for me. But I had to hold back my tears in front of my cousins and glued my eyes to the screen to soak up every movement she made. I want to watch it again.

Today is her day; 17.10.07. Notice her numbers; 17 & 7. I think it's a special day for our family. We all miss her but I know that we have all accepted it and moved on with our lives fully and well. Hopefully I get to dream of her tonight. Insya'Allah.

It would be wonderful if we could all share our prayers for the ones we loved and lost. Celebrate the lives of the dead. Remember them for their honorable values. Respect them compassionately with a will of acceptance. Al-Fatihah.

Good night mummy. I love you.